The people I’ve seen doing kiruv do it by teaching Torah, inviting people to their homes, being open and loving. Listening and spending time with them. Singing and have Shabbos together. I never heard of a kiruv rabbi directly trying to make someone do or not do something. A kiruv rabbi isn’t a beis din or police man. People need to make changes at their own pace. Lasting change can’t be forced. That leads to resentment. People have to be encouraged and supported. It’s not our job to judge others. Rather to love them and be there for them. That doesn’t mean it’s ok to do aveiros. It just means understanding that we can’t control others. Hashem doesn’t do it and neither should we.
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