6. “Your advice to him very much comes across as if you feel (based on situations you’ve been through, which in reality might have little to do with what he’s going through) that the first rav was wrong. I know you didn’t actually say that, but it comes across that way.”
No, not at all, if you read what I wrote carefully. It would be impossible for me to think the Rav was wrong about c”y for two reasons: a) he didn’t give an answer, and b) I am not qualified to have an opinion on c”y.
I think the issue is that you are looking are at the situation too narrowly. You are looking at it as though it is a technical halachic issue which requires a technical halachic response. The issue here is not so much about the halachos of chalav yisrael and hataras nedarim as it is about the fact that someone is going through a difficult time and trying to find a way to deal with it without feeling like he is compromising his Ruchnius, and he needs someone who can guide him accordingly. From what he wrote, he does not seem to have received an answer from his Rav that addressed these issues.
I don’t care if he receives a psak to be machmir or meikel on c”y. My sole concern here is that he should speak to someone who will address the real issues here (the emotional and hashkafic concerns) in a way that will leave him feeling better about the situation whether he is “meikel” or “machmir”.