Tom Dick n Harry,
Thank you for taking the time to clarify your point – I found it extremely helpful.
Marriage is a union with a purpose. The essential purpose is to give the person his completeness.
I agree, but would add that the purpose is to also to expand oneself through devotion to his/her spouse, and to emulate Hashem, who cares for us, by caring for our spouse. The desire for completeness drives a man to seek a wife.
As they function this way together, they need to be true friends. They need to make sure their other half is content and well in every sense possible. If they don’t so then they are shooting their own selves in the foot, so to speak. As they function as a union, united in purpose, and complete loyalty and with this true friendship, they will tremendously enjoy working together. Working together with that type of unity and friendship is pleasurable beyond anything else.
I agree with everything you wrote here.
But they are not together in recreation, (except to the extent that that’s what they believe is needed to help achieve the goals) but together in purpose. That is true togetherness.
I don’t fully agree with this. While it’s true that spouses don’t need to share their superficial interests, I think it’s important for spouses to spend “recreational” time together too, and to find mutual recreational interests. Husband loves to play chess. Wife does not play, and has no interest in the game. Fine. Husband can go play chess with Shlomo each week, and Wife is delighted that her husband gets to do something he enjoys. But they should find other ways to spend time together; it’s just another way to show commitment to each other.
Whereas togetherness in recreation is not really togetherness, because basically everyone is only thinking about his or her own good time.
That’s a rather dim view of recreation. If that were really the case, I’d say that all recreation should be avoided.
So while they don’t share recreational interests, since they share goals, that’s where the friendship kicks in, and they will enjoy each others company far more that simply by sharing the same taste in fun activities.
That’s fine, but I also think the couple should try to find recreational activities they both enjoy.
As a side point, my understanding is that Joseph is asking because he wants to know what to look for in a shidduch.
I seriously doubt that, so don’t be worried on his behalf.
I think it’s unfair to him, and potentially damaging, to give the impression that it’s about finding a buddy for recreation, or even partly about that. That’s not a good message for a person looking for a shidduch and also not for married person. In a shidduch they should be looking for a fine person with whom they would have a common goal and with whom they could have a caring and growing relationship.
In terms of finding a shidduch, I agree. Similar interests does not necessarily mean compatibility, and vice versa. But once married, build some mutual interests together!