“You have to show up in a horse drawn chariot to pick her up. You’ll spend a fortune on it and on her, and next date there won’t be a date. No explanation either. Your just not her type.”
I once arranged a shiduch between two young people whose families were in my town. The boy was in yeshiva about an hour away. He rented a car for the first two dates. The girl didn’t want to be seen by her neighbors going on a date so she made him park outside as she slipped into the car. Even on the first date. That’s how they first met with her slipping into the car. Seemed very immodest to me. And wierd.
For each date, he had to take her out of the town so nobody would see her. So he had to plan out dates out of town and drive there after his hour drive.
This was the perfect bochur. Learned, davened, even had a parnassah plan. Great references. Handsome, nice. He really was awesome. But she was unsure and wanted to try a third date but didn’t want to wait till Sunday and insisted that they have the date in the middle of the week.
I was unsure if I should keep playing into all the nonsense but the mother of the girl pushed me into it and I weakened. So they went on the third date, with him missing night seder, renting a car, and taking her on another carefully planned evening of fun.
She rejected him of course.
The family is furious at me for enabling the whole thing. And I hear their point. But their fury really should be directed at the system which uses up the boys.
If you don’t think we are spoiling the girls then you are part of the problem. And the fury should be directed at you too.
What message is she getting that she makes these demands. What habits is she taking with her for the rest of her life?