Uncle Ben’s story sums it up IMHO. When I read the OP I thought about a money scenario as an example. A man runs a new business and he claims he must be working on it 24/7 “It’s new, it needs a lot of work to get it up, that’s how it is in the beginning” But he’s never home and his wife needs him. She sees he’s exasted, frustrated, stressed, etc. She says to him “Hashem will send us parnassa, but do you really think your hishtadlus is to work like a dog and go to bed at 4am and wake up at 7am?!”
So what does the man do, does he continue his schedule, or not?
That’s the question we are asking.
The answer, to me at least, is that again, I see this like any other disagreement in marriage. You need to compromise, and if you can’t do it alone, get a Rav or objective mediator involved.