I think this is why Joseph cannot answer our question with any concrete example of what he means by subservient today: because all he likes to do is bring sources that show the husband is the head of the home, which we all agree with but then uses insulting language and insinuating that are not real or twisted out of context.
For example (here’s one source I’ll fully address aside from the Rambam one I addressed already ) he brings how Sara calls her husband master.
Yet he very well knows (unless he was just cherry picking sources and is ignorant of the rest of beraishis) that in beraishis 18:3 Avraham calls the three men he wants to invite as guests his masters. So this shows it was just a common expression of respect back then but would sound demeaning and degrading today.
So Joseph you want to know what the Torah is telling us? There should be mutual respect. Sara addressed her husband in a respectful manner by addressing him as if he was higher than her (just like he did with the Arab guests) and he, in another example, pitched her tent first. He converted the men, she, the women.
No one has an issue with this. We just don’t like when you twist your sources as you attempted to do above by just quoting Sara addressing Avraham as master and leaving it at that to imply that a woman is a status below a man and should be treated as such. As you do with all your sources.
OK I’ll do one more.
“As far as listening, Bava Metzia 59a says a husband who listens to his wife on matters of religion/ruchniyos issues will end up in gehenom”
True. The Torah also says to Avraham “whatever Sarah says, listen to her.”
I’m sure you knew that. It’s famous because it centers on the discussion of whether to send away yishmael and is simple chumash not an obscure gemara.
How do both make sense?
Simple. To me at least. (The Rebbe said the last part so I didn’t make it up but it’s also logical sense.)
Since the woman’s role is centered around the materialistic down to earth needs of her family, she tends to focus on that. So she will be pushing her husband towards materiality, to make more money say, instead of to learn more
So generally, the gemara was giving the good advice that a husband should be a head in spiritual matters of the home and not follow his wifes guidance.
But if she is a woman like Sara (and this is how all Jewish women will be by moshiachs times, the Rebbe adds which is why it is written in kabbala on the posuk of aishes chayil ateres baala, and nikeiva tosoveiv gever) then she will be able to see things on a loftier spiritual plane (with regards to
ruach hakodesh as rashi comments on that episode) and her husband should listen to her.
So it depends. Reading the memoirs of gluckel of hameln showed me this prototype of Jewish women. Simple emuna but very materialistic.
However today from what I see it seems to be the norm for many homes that the wives encourage the husbands to learn more, go to Minyan etc. especially with the education girls receive today which they didn’t have back then. It’s not just now, there have always been great women who led their husbands spiritually in the right direction. Sara and Avraham with yishmael. Rivkah with the brochos. Rachel and Rabbi Akiva. Etc.
So again what would be the lesson of the source you brought there? That if you are married to a wife whose values are materialistic, then don’t take her guidance in spiritual matters or that will lead you to gehennom. However even in such a situation she would have more of a say on house decorating, what house to live in etc because that’s more her domain.