takahmamash,
“We have some sem girls from Darchei Binah coming for Shabbat in a few weeks.”
I recommend having a three-day supply of water (figure 1 gallon per person per day), and a three-day supply of non-perishable food. Make sure your prescriptions are filled, fill your vehicle’s gas tank, and keep important documents in a safe, watertight location. Have a portable radio and plenty of batteries and flashlights handy. If needed, I can help you board up your windows.
“Will they be outgoing or nebby?”
You will be unable to hear anything over the screaming and shouting.
“Are they friendly like out-of-towners or cliquey?”
They’re equally unfriendly to everyone.
“Will they be serious learners?”
They have swords and have been known to attack anyone who disturbs their learning.
“Will they actually be learning the material or memorizing?”
They learn it so well that they memorize it.
“What about chesed – do they have a chesed day?”
They do chessed every day of the year, so they have a mean day. I think the mean day is coming up on a Shabbat in a few weeks…
“What about wearing Gap sweatshirts and flats?”
I’ve heard they eat them.
“Will they look at me if I speak to them?”
They can shoot lasers from their eyes, so probably better if they don’t.
“Will they go to shule?”
They only go to shuls without an “e”.
“Help with the dishes?”
They stack them up high in order to break them all at once.
“What about serving?”
It’s assur to play tennis with them, but they’d probably clobber you.
“do they expect only Badatz hechshirim?”
You must grow everything on-site under the constant supervision of the seminary. Hope you’ve gotten that started by now.