“this kind of damaged goods mentality becomes a self-fulfilling reality.”
It doesn’t matter how true or false what you’re saying is. You could treat the girls like royalty and tell them to never stress about marriage and it wouldn’t make any difference. As long as there is an age gap and a growing population, there will be a shidduch crisis. I’m not defending the problem you’re describing, but you seem to be totally swearing off the reality as thought it’s brought about by emotions and social shaming, which is completely reductionist. Making the girls accept their loneliness is not the answer. We have made a society that forces a growing percentage of the female population into a lifetime of singleness. If anything, they should be more loud and emotional about how they feel about the situation.
Joseph: “Including by the MO at least as much as by the Litvish.”
Are there statistics that show the MO age gap is just as bad, on average, as the yeshivish? I find that dubious just from anecdotal evidence, but it could be true. Either way, their population isn’t growing nearly as fast, so it wouldn’t be as noticeable.