I’ll throw this out there, not sure if it is true or not. In the chashidish oilam, the parents do the dating for the kids with all the checking out, meeting with the other side, the couple only meets when the parents decide that the shidduch is marriage-worthy. It works because of the relationship between parent /child- the couple are usually young, rely on the their parents’ judgment, and since the shidduch is usually within the community, or one very similar, wherein people tend to be more homogenous, the parents are well positioned to be able to determine who will be a fitting life-partner for their child. They are also more used to accepting authority’s decision when it comes to personal decisions (ie Rebbe’s daas Torah)
I think that since the Litvish community is not as tight knit, and children are more independent vs their parents, and start dating a bit older, the reliance on the parents’ judgement is weaker, less dependence on a Rebbe-like figure, hence the couple is more independent when it comes to deciding whom to marry.
The chareidi world in E’Y may be more homogenous at least externally, so they lie somewhere in the middle, but although the dating process is shorter than in Chu”l, it is more similar to American Litvish in that the decision is in the couple’s hands, the parents are not doing the dating and decision making.
So according to my theory, it is not the marriage relationship that is different (Although it may be so), but the child/parent-authority relationship that is different.
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