Thanks, DY, but I don’t see clear cut halacha here, and he writes about minhagim in different places, and unless I missed it, he doesn’t mention family.
In fact, I understand his opening line ( at Tes Zayin) to say, that what the Olam says that if a shadchan outright says that he doesn’t want a fee, nevertheless there’s an obligation to give him one, has no shoresh or mekor anywhere in Talmud or any posek.
If a family member redds a shidduch, it is assumed that he/she is not expecting going rate unless verbalized at the start. If he/she did not, then imho it’s not a standard shadchan case.
I don’t see extrapolation for this scenario from your Pischei Teshuva.
I feel that if my family makes a shidduch for my offspring and demands and expects full rate shadchan money , then he/she is a chazzer (te) and will cut him/her off , period. I’m not Vanderbilt and they know it.
Mentchlechkeit is also Torah.
What’s family for anyway? Bar mitzvahs & funerals?
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