There’s nothing hateful about it. What would be worse- when Muslims beat their wives or when simple Jews beat their wives (in the past)? Something closer to home hurts more. Because you esteem and value the simple Jews it hurts more that they mistreated their wives. The Alter Rebbe suffered more when a fellow Jew who has a chelek Eloka Mimaal , opposed chassidus , then all the time he spent in jail. His host served him tea as a guest and then berated him for a few hours over the changes he made for chassidus. It pained him more to hear these accusations coming from the mouth of a precious well meaning fellow Jew than from the coarse gentiles who has interrogated him before. Nothing hateful there.
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