Haimy:
You base your accusation on a generalization, and that is neither fair nor accurate.
The climate is that there are people in the world that are evil and rotten. The couple that has not finalized the severance of their marriage (whether by divorce or gett) may not involve anyone that is evil. The process requires a resolution of the affairs of division. It can be either party that is stubborn and will not resolve the issues. The stats are really close to 50-50 on this. When the wife who wants to restrict visitation or makes accusations to the court does not receive the gett with these other issues are pending is generally reasonable in that, and it is unfair and dishonest to call him a m’again.
And there are also m’agnim who are deserving of the showers of disgrace. We may wonder whether this treatment is warranted or effective. The system is not good. But I can safely state that a sizable percentage of people labeled m’agnim are not guilty. True chessed verachamim is about participating in a negotiation process, and not digging in the heels and trying to destroy the other party. It is also about the refraining from joining in the conflict. Too many times, there are others, ostensibly with noble intentions, who take a side, and contribute to the fight instead of helping to bring about resolution.