Reb Wolf: With the rabbinical powers vested upon me by my Gedolei superiors I hereby absolve you of any sins that have or may have caused you to be a rasha, purported or actual, and deputize you from this point on as a tzadik gamur.
You have no right or ability to accept or reject this designation as it is automatically conferred upon you willingly or unwillingly.
I declare that your Teshuva is now complete whether or not you are aware or acknowledge this fact.