poshiteryid:
I laughed when I read your comment, not because it was humorous, but because you stated a truth that does not appear anywhere in this thread. In reality, there are way too many factors in this subject that make vibrant discussions about whether there even is a shidduch crisis, and if yes, what are the causes. You called attention to something that you avoided labeling, but I will.
The good ole myth of the “learning boy”. Every girl who has been so imbued by her respective Bais Yaakov wants one, and believes that this is her own personal key to spirituality and Olam Haboh. Then there is the boys’ counterpart, where staying in yeshiva and “shteiging”, while avoiding even a passing thought of a career and supporting a family is considered one’s mesiras nefesh to Hashem. This is coupled with layers of defensive concoctions, such as distorted views of bitul Torah, the evils of the secular education systems, and the secular workplace. All of this is developed to shelter these thinkers from the direct instructions of Chazal to support a family and do whatever is relevant to be a provider. Yes, some of these boys will emerge as greats in their respective niches of learning, as Roshei Yeshivos, Magidei Shiur, Rabbonim, Poskim, Dayanim, etc. Many will not succeed as Klai Kodesh, and need to have directed their lives toward success. For those who consider attacking me for being modern and secular, I refer to the Chovas Halevavos – Shaar Habitachon – Perek 3.
So our girls and boys each enter the “parsha” with grave distortions. So just how can shidduchim work if there are unrealistic goals, predictable obstacles that will break engagements, and destroy marriages?