All you can do (like everyone else) is put in the right hishtadlus and once you do that, Hashem decides when the right one will come (I say “when” and not “if”, because everyone has a bashert). The question on the table should only be “what is the right hishtadlus?” To answer that question, make sure you send your resume to a bunch of different shadchanim and the like. If you see on paper you match with someone redd to you (after you check with the references and ensure there’s no issues you wouldn’t find out from dates and you both have the same basic life goals and values), then you go out.
Once you go out with the guy, the fact that hashgachah pratis brought you two together should be reason to take it seriously. In fact, assume he’s your bashert, and work towards building a relationship towards marriage unless a red light comes up (too many people go out with the mindset “prove to me you’re my bashert”). What IS a valid red light? Make sure you have a competent daa’s torah mentor who can guide you. For example, if you don’t enjoy spending time with him (after giving it a fair chance), that’s probably a red light. If, however, you continue to go out with the guy, and you feel like it clicks, you feel comfortable around him, that you enjoy the dates, and look forward to the next dates, that’s a VERY good sign. Just note, it may not be so AMAZING right at the start and everyone’s nervous in the beginning, so don’t be quick to judge. In general, don’t say “no” to go out again unless it’s a BIG “no.” Also, please be careful not to fall into the “Mr. Potato Head trap,” where people sometimes have an image of what their bashert is going to be like before they go out (personality wise (NOT referring to middos), looks, sense of humor, intelligence etc.) and say ” I KNOW this is what I need.” What ends up happening is, they might meet their bashert (which they could’ve figured it out by the fact they enjoyed the dates, looked forward to them, etc.) and completely drop them, because “he’s a great guy, I enjoy his company, and look forward to seeing him again, but I wrote on my list that I wanted a guy with a better sense of humor/ a super genius/ a guy who has deeper conversations, etc.” With all due respect, nobody knows what they actually need. Certainly not ourselves, since we’re filled with negio’s. Hashem knows better than us what we need. And yes, a person can drop their bashert, much like if i used my bechirah to not get a job, I wouldn’t make any money despite the gezirah on rosh hashanah saying I’d become wealthy (the gezirah is true, PROVIDED I put in the correct hishtadlus as I’m obligated to do).
Some of this information was based off the famous “Mashgiach’s Guide to Shidduchim” (Rabbi Mordechai Dolinsky), but most of it was from R’ Shaifer’s (rabbi who does “The Shmuz”) Dating Seminar. I suggest you watch that seminar for more info, it’s got great stuff.
So, again, just put in the CORRECT hishtadlus and daven, and THAT’S your chiyuv. The results are completely up to Hashem, no matter what circumstance you happen to be in.
Once one knows this information: 1) If they ever get dropped, they can know FOR CERTAIN, as long as they put in the right hishtadlus, clearly this shidduch wasn’t bashert, and this was the best thing that could happen to them (as the chovos halevavos says, no creation can hurt or help you, ONLY Hashem can).
2) If the person puts in the correct hishtadlus, and ends up marrying someone, they can know with confidence they married their bashert (the one Hashem decided is best for them).
HATZLACHAH!
Also, if you’re not necessarily looking for a learner, you could mention that (just with a caveat that you have very high frum standards), but on the other hand, if on your resume, it may turn off some learners too. Make sure to get proper guidance what the correct hishtadlus is for this one.