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#1909422
catch yourself
Participant

I was spanked as a child. I don’t think it made much difference in how I turned out. It certainly did not fix the immediate problem my father wanted to stop.

My wife and I do not hit our children.

It is not better to hit than to yell. Both are wrong and ineffective, with very few exceptions.

It is better to allow children to suffer the consequences of their poor decisions. I do not mean to mislabel punishments as “consequences”. If a child makes a mess, s/he should have to clean it up. A child should know that if s/he doesn’t do what is expected, s/he won’t be able to do what s/he wants to do (play with friends, go on trips, etc.). Parents should express empathy while their children deal with these problems, but they should not “rescue” them.

Suppose that Chaim disregards his father’s instructions to wear a coat, and now Chaim is uncomfortable. Chaim’s father could [sincerely] say something like, “Oy, Chaim, I feel so bad that you’re cold. I’m also cold when I don’t bring my coat.” Dad should not buy him a new coat, or go back home to get his coat for him. Odds are that next time, Chaim will wear his coat.

This will work much better than spanking Chaim yelling at him, both of which will stop him from learning the real lesson he should learn, and instead provide him a scapegoat for his discomfort.