participant, I am not qualified to discuss this. I found R Twersky a good source that connects psychology with Torah attitudes. I suggest google for Twersky self esteem, and also buy or order any of his books. As he says “I wrote same books 50 times”, not 50 books, so order any 🙂
here are a couple of quotes:
Your feelings of self-respect are independent of others. You do not allow others to control you, but you do not feel the need to control others. You look at life and it’s difficulties as challenges and opportunities for personal growth. You are commanded by G-d to strive, not necessarily to succeed. A person should recognize that that he has intrinsic value and worth and is a competent and capable individual.
Cheshbon Hanefesh, which is self-criticism, can be beneficial for you when you think of ways to improve. The Torah gives intrinsic meaning to all life regardless what he can or has achieved. The Torah commands each person to try, and try again, but not to believe that success is totally contingent on his particular behavior and effort. When this belief is in place, a person will not experience anger or depression even if he fails. Nowhere is a Jew commanded to succeed, but rather to act according to the commandments of the Torah. The person acts and G-d decides which path history will take.
Our sages mentioned the subject of self-esteem and ways to correct this flaw in character, in many of the Holy Books. The one solution helpful to everybody is, support and encouragement. King Solomon said, ” When you have worry in your heart, speak to somebody”. Rabbi Elemelech from L’znsk says in the “zetel katan”, a person should find a friend who he can trust and speak about his faults and get support from him. A proven method to achieving a positive self-image is to acknowledge and share your anxious feelings with others.
Self-esteem support groups, provides support and encouragement. A group will help you recognize your potential, skills, talents and abilities and help you realize that you’re not the only one with this problem.
The purpose of working the 12 steps of self-esteem is much the same as that of working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous; namely, to free ourselves of a pathologic dependency and to get support.