There’s an important point.
The Torah teaches us not only to behave with certain actions, but also how to feel. It’s totally normal to feel hatred and want revenge if someone harms you, to Covent your friends house and perhaps his wife. But the Torah teaches us that we are capable of working on our emotions and becoming noble and rising above normal feelings.
You’re struggling with “Noseh BiOl”, with Mishtateif Bitzaran Shel Acheirim. It may be very normal and reasonable. That doesn’t mean that where the Torah expects you to remain….
Doesn’t mean it’s easy. We all have Mitzvos that are easier for us and ones that are harder. That doesn’t absolve us of the responsibility to keep growing more noble. I can’t imagine that you could possibly believe that the Torah doesn’t want you to feel pain for the families etc. You’re just being honest about the struggle. That’s fine. Arguing about if your feeling are legitimate or not is a waste of everyone’s time. They’re legitimate to YOU. But it doesn’t stop there…