I think that R. Tzvi Berkowitz from Baltimore made very good points that relate to the second part of what you say. Try not to get caught up in the details of how it happened, who was at fault etc. Humans do this be c. we like to be in control and try to find understanding in everything. It is really an escape.
Even if you are having a hard time connecting to the tragedy maybe that is the message for you. Maybe what you need to work on is feeling more connected to every member of klal yisrael. If secular Israelis are pouring out thier hearts in pain (maybe not all but many are) you can learn to emulate them. It is an avodah but worth working on.