AviraDeArah,
“That being said, the rambam follows this statement of oheva kegufo etc with discussion of how to spend his money. The ahavah he refers to seems to mean giving her things and making her feel loved. He is not referring to an obligation as to how he feels about her.”
The Rambam said two things there, and they are parallel:
- Honor your wife more than yourself – give her things according to your wealth (i.e., even if you cheap out on yourself, don’t cheap out on her)
- Love her like your own self – don’t make her afraid of you and speak nicely to her
So the love being discussed here is not just giving her financial benefits and gifts, but affects how he treats her.
“when discussing the woman’s obligations to her husband, the rambam noteably omits loving him”
He says to respect (be in awe of) him, which, in parallel to how a man should treat his wife, gives instructions on how she should treat her husband.
In short, men should treasure their wives, and wives should admire their husbands. This is the foundation of a healthy marriage.