Without regards to the names of any particular CR posters, in any of these circumstances, once you arrive “read the room”, get a feel for the mood, the people there at that time, the substance and tone of the ongoing conversation and use COMMON SENSE. Spend a few minutes listening to the conversation before ASKING QUESTIONS or trying to direct the conversation in another direction. As one poster above noted, most important, lead with positive memories of the niftar, and if possible, recall some special anecdote about your personal interaction with him/her that will provide nechama to the aveilim.
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