There is a google doc flowing around internet that people edit with school costs. When I find it again, I’ll quote.
Syag > and find out from the schools what they really say.
I did go and talk to that teacher during PTA, (and to other teachers, and to the principal whom I knew for years). Her focus was on asking me when is the time to apply for seminary. I was politely evasive about it, she then paternalistically (maternalistically?) said – if you can’t afford, I can help you find one that is free/affordable (I am glad that the school is not sharing financial info with teachers :). In her defense, I do not wear a hat like her husband, and our kids transferred from another school that the teacher considers inferior (“I know less chazal than others” cried one for several first months), so the teacher seemingly was in “kiruv” mode. School concern for the kids had a limit though: when we decided to leave, two of the girls made an awesome offer that I could not refuse – they would do secular subjects in a different place and go for some of the Jewish classes at BY. I was very proud of them. But it was a non-starter for the school – “what if others ask for the same”.
I think we zeroed on the reason for our different perception (in addition to possibly better schools in your big city): many schools work if you are satisfied with the product – either you fit into their worldview exactly or/and you are not aware of what you are missing. I don’t think it is an issue only in small communities. I know of a couple of families that moved to a too-“frum” NY satellite cities and were politely told by numerous schools that “you will not be happy here”. Maybe it is a by-product of spectacular growth of our communities in recent decades.