Reply To: Parents and singles

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@AriHaleviRosman

You asked “Why are singles so lazy?”

When I was dating I was also in Yeshiva full time, going to college part time and teaching part time as well. You’re entitled to your opinion but most people wouldn’t consider my schedule at the time (or the schedule of any serious Yeshiva guy) as “so lazy”.

If you apply for a corporate job, chances are the supervisor will have a Human Resources representative vet your application before taking a look at it. Are you going to ask why the hiring manager is so lazy that he / she needs to have HR do the background checks?

The obvious answer is that the supervisors time could be worth over $150 per hour and he / she doesn’t have the proper training and tools to do adequate background checks. The HR representative, on the other hand is probably making less than $60 per hour and has the training and skills to do background checks.

So to answer your question- when I was in Yeshiva I didn’t have the time or skills necessary to do the required background checks for the multitude number of names I was getting on a regular basis. My parents, on the other hand, did. We worked hand in hand to filter out the majority of names that weren’t relevant and saved lots of time and aggravation that way.

The system is far from perfect and everyone needs to do what works best for them. If it bothers you when someone has their parents doing the research- don’t go out with them.

Some benefits of doing it this way is that when you’re going out you won’t have other people in mind and if you do have to end the date you don’t have to worry about the shadchan criticizing you or harassing you to give it another chance.