Excuse me for saying this but you seem to be bitter about something and unable to see this from another point of view. If you’re willing to have a respectful dialogue I’m willing to try to show you another point of view- which you may or may not agree with. I’m going to end this discussion with this post if you purposely miss the point I’m trying to make and respond with insults.
In general the tasks that someone needs to take care of in life (regardless of the importance) can be broken into the following categories:
1) Tasks the person completes themselves,
2) Tasks that others can complete for the person more efficiently:
a) Tasks where the person has an interest in how the other person completes the task
b) Tasks where the person has no interest in how the other person completes the task as long as it’s completed.
I was not implying that dating and marriage are equated with taking out the garbage. I was trying to show you that just because someone doesn’t do something it doesn’t mean that they’re lazy.
As I said before and I’ll say it again- I let my parents do the research because they had more time, they had more worldly experience and thus could do better research than I could have done. Once they completed the research and gave me the green light I sat down and discussed the results of their research and usually had some additional questions or did some research myself.
The things that my mother can do better than me (e.g. picking out gowns for my daughters to wear at a cousins wedding)- I’m happy to have my mother and wife discuss it together and leave me out of it.
When I was dating I wasn’t fully aware of the amount of disfunction that went on within our community- my parents were. My mother knew the right questions to ask (something I would not have known how to do) and when my mother sensed deception in the conversation she would have my father take over and strategically ask innocent questions to see if the reference would trip up (again- something that I would not have been able to do).
(In one particular case my mother asked a reference if there’s anything else she needs to know about the family and was told that there’s been a long standing feud and Din Torah between them and another family- but it was 1,000% the fault of the other family and 0% the fault of the family in question. She then provided the name of the Av Bais Din who was handling the case. My father called the Av Bais Din who claimed that the family in question was totally innocent and the other family was totally full of sheker. My father steered the conversation elsewhere and can back a few minutes later by saying- “So it seems like both are ehrlech families but they had a dispute so they brought it to Bais Din, is that correct?”. The Av Bais Din answered, “Yes, they’re both ehrlich families but one’s milchig and one’s fleishig so they’re ok by themselves but they’re both ruined when they’re together”. When informed of this blunder the person admitted that he wasn’t even on the Bais Din but was a dayan on a different Bais Din and familiar with the case since they’re family friends.)
With all due respect to my parents- the decisions that I feel that I can do just fine on my own (e.g. choosing a shul that I’m comfortable in, deciding what to learn with my chavrusa…)- I decide on my own.
If someone C”V needed surgery would you suggest they do it themselves because it’s very important or would they go to someone who’s trained in that area and can do the operation as best as possible?