that wife follows husband Igros Moshe 1:158
R Auerbach, quoted in Yom Tov Sheini K’hilchaso, pg. 188 – husband does NOT HAVE TO insist on his minhag – even possibly nusach or anything she wants. Maybe this could be part of a prenup?
someone suggests that this is coming from the klal of moving to a different place – husband’s house (YD 214:2). This matches Yevamos saying that a man should not live with in-laws (may not be operative now when most people don’t live with in-laws and wives are not always that younger than husbands).
Igros Moshe Even Ha’ezer 2:22 – a spouse can not force humros on others. R Ovadia Yosef quoted for the same (not using eruv). Some testify that R Moshe did not interfer with his wife drinking halav stam.
Rav Eliyashev – that some minhagim are nedorim and shoulbe kept (kitniyot)
For exceptions for candles, mikva, wig:
Igros Moshe EH 2:12
Beitzah 29b
R Auerbach, Halichos Shlomo, chapter 9 of hilchos Succah, footnote 37
Yaaakov Emden Teshuvos Ya’avetz 107.
I am wondering whether learning status of a woman might affect the decision. If the husband typically is the posek in the house and instructs the wife what to do – then, his minhagim should have weight. You don’t expect him to go to his M-I-L and learn from her! But if the woman is learned on her own, whether BY or YI, she might not need to ask her husband and he might not need to interfere.