“Every Jewish group says that about their leaders,”
No they don’t.
“They do not think much of what everyone else should be doing”
don’t think this is true either. Hence proselytizing frum people.
I am finding much of what you are saying her to not match at all with the things I have heard them say, experienced among them, but I did not spend overnights in yeshivos and a very large part of my community is mashichist. So with that being said – I disagree with your understanding of why people seem to care too much, in your opinion, about what they are doing. It is because they are doing very public things and representing Judaism to a lot of people in very public ways. If you do that, and it isn’t what it should be, then of course everyone will have their say. And that isn’t to say that it’s all wrong. But it is to say it isn’t all right. And I don’t like the way some of that “public” walk away thinking about Torah Jews and Judaism due to that exposure.