Dear Fed-Up
Whereas I am not Zaphod, I will take the liberty of responding to your predicament, being as how this is a public forum and Zaphod has not stepped up to the task yet.
Having certain relatives and non relatives inexplicably take up permanent residence in your living room, even temporarily, can be very infuriating and cumbersome. It’s great that you acknowledged your feelings and reached out about it.
Find yourself a different space where you can sprawl with your shoes off. Perhaps your bedroom, your car, or your sister’s neighbor’s living room will afford you with the comfort and quiet you need. Alternatively, you can try buying a good pair of earplugs and a blindfold, and using the couch as you have always, if nobody has taken up residence in the couch itself.
In general, it’s a good idea to avoid the home in general, as our Sages teach us: Whoever increases conversation with women is destined to inherit Gehenom. All sorts of creatures lurk around the home, and one can often feel like they almost want to take up permanent residence in a home furnishing store.
One last idea and resort is an amulet to keep your wife, sisters, and your sister’s female neighbors away. I can provide you with the amulet, or maybe a big tzaddik somewhere. It consists of complicated words written on a dead rat, which you are to wear around your neck.
Best of luck and stuff.
Participant