@lakewhut
You are correct that the rabbis won’t admonish the rich person who puts in the over the top affair.
#1 you don’t bite the hand that feeds you
#2 there may have been a discussion of all the additional work and money being pumped into the community by this affair and the rabbis agree and understand that this is an economic stimulus that is better for those hired/contracted in term of self esteem than donating the additional cost to charity and having the same people helped without working
#3 the ones being admonished may being going into debt to put on the affair, or partaking in charity distributions such as tuition assistance. The wealthy person is paying in full and subsidizing those who cannot afford to do so.
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A CTL grandson recently got engaged. The Rosh Yeshiva called him to his office and admonished him because the Kallah was given quite a large diamond that was X times the standard they have set. The grandson explained that he and his parents did not spend a single dollar for the stone. His Bubbe had died in Chodesh Elul, she had approved the choice of girl and it was one of her stones being given. The Rosh Yeshiva accepted that the stone was indeed a manifestation of Mrs. CTL’s blessing of the coming marriage. He did suggest to my grandson that he find a way to quietly mention to his closest chevrah that his Bubbe had bequeathed the engagement stone for this match to show her love and approval and kibud av v’aym in this case extended to his newly deceased grandparent and overrode the Yeshiva Standard.
While the stone is large, the chasunah will be a simple affair as his parent will still be in the 11 month mourning period.
BTW, he is not going to law school, he will pursue IT as he decided in consultation with me and the family members of the firm we needed our own IT person to also be in house expert on cybersecurity.
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