Always_Ask_Questions,
“So – for us – wearing a black hat means dressing like a Talmid Chacham, Slobodka Rosh Yeshiva, etc – and the requirement is to behave accordingly, which is a tall order, and we both humbly do not pretend.”
This is a cop-out. Dress the part then strive to live it. When I’m in the grocery store in a white shirt and black pants, the only people who might confuse me for a rabbi are non-Jews or non-frum Jews. And if they call me rabbi I can correct them. And if they don’t call me rabbi, who cares? They don’t need me to pasken complicated shailos for them, they need a smile, hello, and occasionally to know what aisle the graham crackers are in.