Also
I reject the original premise
Wealthy balei batum do not create a “keeping up with the jonses” attitude. We all know we are in a different category
It’s your next door neighbor who can’t afford it who does it anyway.
Choose good neighbors. Choose a good shul where there is no pretense. In my shul every kiddush is the same rich or poor, Most weddings are basic and those that are not, I have yet to see anyone feel compelled to keep up with the rich mispallilim.
So be a good example. The next simcha you make, dial it down, make it basic and set a good example.
and OP
I am curious
Why harp on this and not the mansions going up in lakewood with $250K chandeliers? I have a much bigger problem with that than weddings
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