mentsch1,
“I make the same point, we all prefer our own minhagim and to an extent look down on the minhagim and philosophies of others as being strange.”
Preferring one’s own minhagim is not the same thing as looking down on other minhagim.
“why is it worse when a lubavitcher calls me a snag than when I roll my eyes and make a comment when i see a chassid driving after shkia on erev shabbos?”
I wouldn’t recommend rolling your eyes and making “comments”, because that’s not nice. But calling someone a name is most definitely worse than objecting to a practice. Because the former dehumanizes, while the latter is a halachic or hashkafic dispute. If a chassid tells me that since I bring non-CY dairy into my house he cannot eat from my dairy dishes, and he thinks it’s wrong, and chalav stam is chalav akum, that’s a halachic dispute and not inherently an insult. I can choose to be insulted if I were immature. I could discuss and debate with him, which might be interesting. Or I could accommodate him and still welcome him to my home. If he calls me a snag or sheigetz, however, that’s a dehumanizing slur and most definitely an insult.