Arso, I had previously stated that I agree with you that it’s not important to know which label you have- but in order to reach the expectation desired of you in Avodas Hashem, you gotta have some working knowledge of where you are avoda wise (without sticking a label to yourself). I hope that’s clear.
Regarding marriage- regarding having a bad marriage- one has work to do. Regarding your second idea of marriage- I don’t see that anywhere (in healthy marriages- I’m not talking about where one nods along to everything the spouse says because they’ve given up on working things out together, but behind their back they manipulate things differently etc). Actually, the source for this one is Rashi on Ezer Knegdo. If he merits- she’sa helpmate. If he doesn’t merit- she’s against him to fight. I think that’sa great depiction of the marriage relationship and I’m happy to give my comments if you’d like them.