There seems to be a big disconnect here.
By “litvishe,” i and the other posters here are referring to people who live by the mesorah of litvishe yeshivos and rabbonim. But it’s not centralized; there are scragglers who are loosely affiliated or not at all, and there are people who might have grown up in yeshivos but became baalebatish and discarded much of the mesorah.
That being said, in places like Lakewood, no one who wears a lace top shaitel would ever be chosen or kept in any kind of chinuch role. There are community standards that if not kept, might not lead to a cherem but will also make such people ostracized. It’s not what I’m “calling” modern – there are, firstly, modern orthodox jews, and there are the above weaker people, but you seem to want to lump together all non-chabad people as if we’re a homogenous group, differences between which critics of chabad are inventing out of thin air.
The difference is that in chabad, there’s a tolerance for sinfulness in the above issues (and others), as long as you consider yourself Lubavitch. Now you might not get a shiduch with a gez family, but you will be shielded from criticsm from us “snags” simply because you believe in their rebbe.
Making belief in a person so central to a religious perspective, where stated belief in him is almost the sole criteria for shielding and acceptance, and the one deal breaker, where if someone opposes him, he is totally chutz lemachaneh…. that is essentially christian.