Ellie7:
You wrote:
“The vibe of the whole letter is placing men’s issues squarely on women’s shoulders. You’re turning women into the bad guy and framing men as poor, innocent bystanders.”
Not sure how you came to that conclusion. It’s not “good (men) vs. bad (women)”. It’s that some women are doing something improper, regardless of whether or not they realize that it is improper.
“The way you describe the first type of man, especially-‘The Struggling but Sincere’-made me cringe. Why don’t you think that most women-even in the long, lace sheitals aren’t struggling but sincere? Why do you assume they aren’t trying their best? Why are you viewing them as an evil entity out to get men?”
Again, he’s not criticizing those women as “bad” and “out to get men”; the women, too, could certainly be “struggling but sincere” and “trying their best”. But, again, he’s raising awareness that those women may not realize that what they are doing is problematic.
“You can’t blame women for men’s issues. Yes, perhaps in an asifa for women this can be emphasized-without placing responsibility for men on their shoulders. No one bears responsibility for another’s actions. Period.”
I’m curious from which rabbi or BY school you learned that “hashkafa”. There is actually a straight-out mitzva in the Torah of “Lo saamod al dam raiecha”. According to your “hashkafa”, if you see someone at risk of drowning and you are able to help but choose not to save them from drowning, then that’s perfectly fine. But the Torah says otherwise. In fact, ironically for this discussion, if a man doesn’t save a woman at risk of drowning, then he is called a chassid shoteh.
There is also “lifnei iver lo sitain michshol”. Etc.
So, I think this is the crux of your issue. You are claiming that, as a woman, you are entitled to wear any sheitel you want (and you noted that you do wear a sheitel that is more tzanua than some out there) and not be considered wrong for doing so. Even if secular “culture” implies that, liHavdil, the Torah very much disagrees. So, yes, women do need to be aware of what they are doing and the effect of that on men (and other women, too, like being machshil them via peer pressure or negatively affecting their marriages, etc.).
Please try harder to view this from the Torah’s perspective. That should help with the anger you feel about this issue.