mariner, the reason you litvaks feel under siege and on the defensive as unauthentic Yiden is quite simple. The litvak masses abandoned dressing like Yiden. Chasidim still, and always have, dressed like authentic Jews. So when you walk in the street and see a Jew dressed like a Jew (i.e. a chasid) you feel unauthentic. Yes, many of the Litvish Rabbonim dress like Yidden, but the litvish man on the street with his business suit, and perhaps necktie, looks no different than the goyish buisnessman on the street. A Yid is supposed to look like a Yid – not look no different than a pruste goy.
Btw, if your such a kalte litvak how could you have married a chasidishe/heimishe wife!? Something doesn’t smell quite right about you.