Gavra, you ask well. There is a complete difference in the time when the RBSH’s hashgacha was geluyah lakol and we were all completely confident that he was running the show for our benefit. Then, as the Chazon Ish explains in hilchos shechita, any aveiros were open rebellion against what was known by all to be true and good.
In our days, writes the Chazon Ish, any use of harsh words will only be interpreted as violence. (Al achas kamah vkamah, violence itself is forbidden.) It will only drive people away. They do things wrong because they either don’t know better, or may not believe in the entire system. Unless you are prepared to first make an open mofes which thoroughly convinces them of the emes, then you must understand that we are living in a time of hester panim, and can only be mekarev through ahavas yisroel, and have no right to impose anything by force. Why in the world should some yid listen to a stranger who says this is the right way to do things? Who can have the arrogance to force his way on a stranger?
Our only selling point is that we show him how there is such an overwhelming warmth in shmiras torah and mitzvos, that he will on his own want to learn more about this wonderful way of life and eventually may decide to become frum.
It is a totally different tekufah now. All this gayvah from kannaim is completely inappropriate and only turns people away. I myself, having been frum all my life, and even consdered myself chareidi have been getting nauseated and almost turned off completely by all the harsh words I have been reading on this site the past year. Imagine how a newcomer must feel.
Note further that even in the time of chazal, they said that even once in 70 years was too much for any beis din to give a din misa.
True there are psukim that say the RBSH gets angry. But there are also those that say he is erech apayim. He do we resolve? We simply look at the gemara brachos that says Kel zoem bchol yom. (Hashem gets angry every day.) But what is the extent? The gemara says one rega (instant) kimeimreih (the time it takes to say the word rega). Each day he is calm except for one short instant. (Maybe this is the source of everybody in Israel yelling rega at each other all the time.)
Kanaus has no place whatoever until moshiach comes. Truthfully, do you really believe all the kannaim are lshem shomayim, rather than on an ego trip? Do you really believe kannaim are more medakdek bmitzvos than the warmer yidden? Does making a lot of noise have some correlation with one’s shmiras hamitzvos? Did the acid throwers win over any new baalei tshuvah, or just drive away people from wanting any chareidim in their neighborhoods?
We could have made the entire IDF frum by now if we would just give them a few words of warmth and appreciation for their efforts, instead of knocking the medinah and the flag they fight for constantly.