To teenof13: I was not planning on coming into this thread about tznius but I’m trying to figure out why a certain individual was so negative and outright deragatory to you. I have read some interesting things here and as a father I see that I will have to work on my relationship with my daughter now when she is very young so that we will be on better footing later on in life. While I feel that advice in this area should be given over to you by a woman, I will make a few comments in general.
1- Tznius like all other mitzvohs were given to us to make us better people. Yes there are many positive side affects to keeping the Mitzvohs, but the bottom line is what type of relationship do you want to have with Hashem. We all have to figure out our place in this world and sitting back and being dictated how you should live is not a good start to building a solid foundation. Already you have mentioned that you don’t feel like conforming to what your father says. (While I don’t know you or your family I don’t think that this will get better if it goes unchanged) What could happen is that you build up enough resentment and you will not be keeping what really is something that is very important. I also think that this is a good chance for you to take advantage of your emotions and find someone to learn with you what exactly what Tznius is about. Maybe this is a conversation to start off with your mother, or aunt or maybe there is a teacher that you are close with who cam help you. (Now you are probably thinking that all through scholl they keep drilling it into you, so what is the point? Well there is a big difference learning about something on a basic level geared to a large group then having a one on one session with someone where you can ask questions and express what you are feeling.)
2nd back to the father on the cell phone thing. Well I think you have another window of opportunity here. Maybe and I say maybe because only you will know, but maybe you should go to your father and ask him to learn with you about Tznius, or at least have him sit and talk about why he feels the way that he does. You will probably not agree with everything that he says, but at least you are now getting a perspective on his view of the matter. It will be very hard at first becuase if it leads to a confontation then you will not have gained anything. But….if you ask honest questions, explain some of this difficulties and maybe ask him to help you brainstorm when dress and peer pressure are such big issues. So in short, Tznius is just the ice breaker, which can lead up to bigger and other diverse conversations. This is that chance that might get him off the phone long enough to see that you are not that little girl any more.
3- Thank you for speaking up and addressing the issue. While a forum like this is not a way to adress halacha, it does give us the chance to discuss issues and hear other perspectives. Bowzer spoke very well like you mentioned as well as many others. On the flip side there will be individuals who will go on the attack and find fault with every word that you might say (as well as read into your post things that are not accurate). Don’t take all comments to heart and just ignore those who are just plain angry at the world.
4- There is always going to be peer pressure regardless of your age and location. Now when you are young, it is hard to stand against the crowd, especially when you don’t feel up to it or don’t see what is wrong. I think more than ever you need to understand why tznius is important and then look for clothing that will be in style but yet up to our standards.
To some of the other posts:
I think there is a time and place for when men should comment. Usually it will not be the man’s place and when it needs to be brought up extreme caution should be used. Dealing with many children at risk, there where many well intentioned individuals who believed that they were doing the right thing standing on their soap box preaching tznius. However, instead of making a connection to holiness many of the kids saw this is a restriction that was used for control. I don’t think anyone likes to be told they are doing something wrong and when it’s done in a way that makes them feel like an object, second class, or worse will just backfire.
We have to pick our battles and everyone needs to ask themselves if they are on the level that they should be. Sometimes we have to pick our responses. There will always be people out there giving their 2 cents worth and most of the time it isn’t even worth that. Still sometimes it is, and we have to learn to listen, take what ever there is to be gained and then act appropriately. And Yes it is very important for men to be good role models and watch how they act and what they say.