Think Big,
My comparison to Kollel is regarding those who criticize Kollel. They criticize Kollel, with the litany of all the usual grievances that too many people go there, they don’t work, they don’t learn and whatever other baggage they try to dump on the holiest people in our nation. These will be the same crowds that tell you to mind your own business about tznius, that any pseudo-standards are more than sufficient, start yelling that tznius rules are like the Taliban, etc.
Aside from not conceding your approach regarding styles, trends, and fashions is more correct, I’ll tell you this. My thoughts on this subject are not in fact my thoughts at all. They stem from the thoughts, and approach, taken by Rabbonim. So your bewilderment if this is the characteristic male approach, I’ll say this is a characteristic approach of our Chachomim.
Trust me, of all people on this forum (and I mean EVER) that I’ve encountered, you are by far the most earnest, serious, and Torah-centric. Many in the general populace (and certainly most of those populating the internet) are at minimum blissfully unaware of tznius obligations or even maliciously uncaring. I would not characterize our discussion as being in disagreement in essence, but rather as refinement towards the nitty-gritty’s that have a slightly different understanding.
I think it is a very safe bet to state that in practice both of our implementations of our families personal tznius is identical.