These are a few of the things that I think are wrong with the present system of redding shidduchim:
2) Some shadchanim are completely clueless and are redding shidduchim based on THEIR opinion of what the boy or girl OUGHT to be looking for, and do become offended when a girl says it is not for her. That is because it unconsciously might be viewed as insulting to the shadchan that her brilliant suggestion is not being taken. I experienced this recently regarding my daughters, and the shadchan actually said my girls are stupid if they let a particular issue stop them from going out with the boy that was suggested. The issue was that the “boy” is at least 8 years older than my daughter who is in her early mid 20s. She is not comfortable with the idea of going out with someone that much older at this point in her life. Whether or not she is correct, she politely thanked the person who made the suggestiion, but said she is not interested. That should have been the end of it. But the shadchan told me my daughter is stupid, and will be sitting and waiting a long time (G-d forbid). There is no need for that type of comment. And it is onaas devarim, to boot.
2) Some shadchanim believe that just because this is a boy and this is a girl – it’s a shidduch. What happened to having things in common?
3) Some shadchanim do propose a match that sounds promising, and then fail to follow through, in SPITE of the girl calling back. And what is this nonsense that the shidduch must be redd to the BOY first? Redd it to whomever you know, boy or girl, and let BOTH decide if they want to meet.
4) Don’t keep interfering, if you are the shadchan. If the boy and girl are old enough to be dating and getting married, they are old enough to arrange their own dates, once the proposed match has been accepted. I am totally turned off by the idea that boys are having the shadchan make their dates for them, at least for several dates.
I have many other gripes, but this is enough to stir up the pot for now. I am sure I will be hearing from well-intentioned people who strongly disagree with me.