notpashut, I think if you reread my previous posts, I said that I dont condone it (read back on this post – I was really careful to make sure I was understood). I accept that they are going to do it, and I am still going to have them in my life. I guess thats where the accept comes in – I accept them into my life still. I understand that they have shortcomings and still have them in my life. That is what I mean by I accept her for who she is (I hope thats a little more clear).
The same way you accept that there are people in your life who do various aveiros (even “small” ones – lashon hara for example. You may ask them not to speak it in front of you, but people who really have the taiva will still be talking lashon hara when they leave you), you accept them for who they are, knowing they are doing something wrong and hoping that they will change, but you dont kick them away.
When the car driving thing came out, one of the points I was trying to get across was that we cannot say “I am a better person than Ploni because I dont drive to shul.” Others were trying to state things like that. No one is perfect, and I leave the “score keeping” to Hashem.
As for tinok shenishba, is there some halacha that matters here on Earth? I was always told that tinok shenishba matters when you die. Hashem can make that determination. I’m not sure what everyone is up in arms about if thats the case.