BS”D
Teenager, I am so sorry that I did not understand who it was that abused you; I might have spoken differently. I’m not interested in bringing anyone down or making you have negative feelings; I only want your special neshomo to heal and I want to try to help with that in some small way. Anyway, what is important is that YOU realize that you are a real bas Melech and that you are not worthless.
During the wilder times in NY, I was robbed once because I had a space between my window gate and my window that a scrawny little crackhead could and did get through . In Moscow some lowlife used a screwdriver and chewing gum to pick my lock. Was it my fault? NO!! And I know my stuff when it comes to issues of home repair; you could say I should have known better. But so what?? There is no reason why I or any other decent law abiding citizen should have to live in fear and have to worry that a good lock can be picked. But some people do evil and no matter how innocent or careful you are, they will do what they will do. That does not mean you are worthless. It means that they did evil.
Don’t worry about what you did during your hardest times. No one will hold it against you; and if you feel that they do, perhaps you can go to another community where people will only know who you are now and that you are growing any minute. I was away 7 years, came back, and I have trouble getting people to believe I was away 7 years (and the person who caused me the trouble that mistakenly convinced me to go off suffered very badly around that time and is now suffering again as the financial crisis will soon strip him of his ill gotten position of power whereas BH I am finding ways to be one of the ones who profits from the crisis as the cards are reshuffled).
AS for the message of how to find me, it did go through but it probably looked complicated so I’ll make your life even easier. If I find someone to help you, and I will do my best starting tomorrow afternoon when my US contacts are online or reachable, I’ll open up and post an anonymous, fresh Hotmail or similar account where you can reach me (and where I can have a notification in my toolbar or browser that you sent me a message so I answer ASAP). OK :)!
One more thing – about moving. Are you pre-sem age, after sem, or still in high school? If you feel everyone is looking at you, maybe you can go somewhere else as I did when I came back so you are with new people. If you can go to sem far away, or find a job out of town, or if college is OK in your circles, etc etc etc that may help you a lot. Away can even be a few subway or train lines away – it does not have to be a flight away.
A gute voch and a gute choidesh. Hashem is really on your side because He sees how much you suffered yet how much you want to do the right thing. He will send you the right message and the right messenger to help you get over this and serve Him besimcha again while you reach the highest heights!
itzik_s: we cannot post email address’s but if both of you send an email to one of the mods, we can hopefully pass on the proper information. You can reach me at: [email protected].
YW Moderator-55