Teenager – I grew up in Monsey so I understand the scene you are talking about. I am 26, but I remember how things were changing when I was in high school. When I told my mother that drugs were prevalent, she was shocked. After a little while (and many details), she spoke to her boss, who was able to start a dialogue with schools and Rabbis. Thanks to my mother, a more proactive approach was taken (albeit not nearly enough and not universal enough, but my mother was instrumental in getting awareness up majorly).
I think one of the biggest problems is that coed socialization is considered such a taboo! It wasnt so taboo 50 years ago – why now? Our parents and grandparents socialized and found their spouses in a much more natural way.
It always irked me that throughout highschool all my teachers would say (in various different ways) “Boys are looking for one thing – so stay away” – and then 12th grade would hit and they would start talking about getting married. Whoa! Slow down – can we really change gears that quickly? Also, what changes from being forbidden to be involved in coed situations in April to graduating in June and being able to start dating. In my opinion, its bizarre.
I agree with cantoresque, that I would rather have my son have some pitfalls of supervised coed situations then out on his own. I know from my own experience, that those who came from yeshivish families and wanted to socialize in coed situations, ended up doing far worse things than those who were allowed to and were supervised. Would you rather you child be able to come to you and say “yes I want to hang out with this boy/girl but I want to do it here so there are less influences”? Do you really want your kid out on the street? Accepting them in your home does not mean you condone everything they do.
Also, when you forbid something, kids naturally want it more. I was much more enticed to drinking before I was 21. My mother allowed me to drink in her home and supervised. It meant that if I really felt like it, on Purim I could get really drunk but I would be home, surrounded by my family and not able to do bad things or get taken advantage of. I did drink but not get drunk.
The problem with NCSY events (I was a member) is that many of the events are highly unsupervised. There are a couple of chapter advisors watching hundreds of kids – if one wants to do something wrong, its easy to.
My advise to parents of teenagers is to supervise coed situations IN YOUR HOUSE or in the house of fellow concerned parents. This way, you have more control. Keep them in a fairly well lit, semi public area. They can have fun, socialize and not get into (much) trouble.