Reply To: Kosher Hangouts

thank you cantoresq, i was thinking of an answer to muchcommonsense and I quite frankly dont have one, its a natrual pull, like with positive and negative molecule, its a need. for me theres a little reason, I am a tomboy I like sports and guy stuff, I dont have fun shopping with girls and talking about clothes and stuff that irks me, I get along better with guys I am more comfortable talking to them, also I am sure this is true for many I have really low self esteem and what I can say guys intrest in me, alothugh only temporarily makes me feel better. and also i didnt say befriend boys over girls, I have way more friends that are girls but I dont shelter myself completley. Also I used to go out with any guy, Ive been with the worst and now Iv’e elarned to pick and choose and I have really good friendships, they give me something girls dont. they are way more trustworthy and caring and usually do whatever they can to help. But like cantoresq said I cant explain it, whatever I said is going to sound stupid and wont make sense to you, its a teenage thing.

Shindy- exactly, these schools arent equiped to deal with anything and the mechanchot arent any better, i got kicked out partially because i was molested and they didnt know how to deal with an issuse like that, so they jsut got rid of me. its a system we are all a number and dont feel like individuals anymore, we lose our sense of self so we go out there and make ourselves known.

SJinnyc- yasher koach and much grattitude to your mother for making the problem known. I had the same thing in high school, in binyan habyis we got a lecture how guys want one thing from you, and the next week what to look for in a husband. if guys just want one thing, how are they ready for marriage? when do they change? When you are forbidden you tend to do it more when you get the freedom, hence me with guys. I have heard stories about what goes on NCSY and they are not pretty, that is why my idea is ehavily supervised I dont want the same thing going on.

charlie brown- like i said in a previous post, most teens are hanging out not because they are bored, there is a small eprcent of those who do that, but because there are deeper emotional issues, the reason kids rebell is because they dont know how wlse to deal with their intense emotional pain, they have to keep it inside till they feel like they are gona burst and cant take it anymore so they try to find a way to chanel it, which is usally no in the healthiest manner, but at least they get rid of the intense emotions and thus they rebell by doing not the most kosher things. my “hangout” wouldnt just be bowling and shiurim there would be attention to the emotional need of the kid, if someone offered me help with my probelms I would immediatley take it and I know many others would to. So yea if its just a hangout they will go back to 711 afterwards, but if its a hangout plus it takes care of the reason they are hanging out to begin with its a win win situation.

k so for me indvidually as I was going off the derech I emailed and called top rabanim and other people to help me, but nobody did, they were either to busy or said I was to far off or they had worse, some just told me to go off immediatley. the worst pain is probally rejection, I had it so many times that I stopped reaching out, I have asked so many times that I will not ask again. Yea it would be ideal if I could have a mentor or someone to learn with or someone for me to discuss my issues with Judiasm with but thats not happening. All the options you mentioned are people who are really frum and closed minded and are just going to judge me and wont understand where I am coming from. but you are very right in seeing what I need