Reply To: Kosher Hangouts

rik- I am so happy that you had such amazing giving people there for you in hard times, I wish I had that I have looked for it and have not obtained it and unfortunatley everyday that passes I go more off the derech but whatever I will deal. That is very nice that you want to give back, I am not sure of any mentoring programs in lakewood, but I will look into it.

Smartgal- Thanks so much, I am going to set up a new email address so you canc ontact me for that, I will post it when I get a chance

Tohighschoolguy- not to sound distant, but you really dont understand the problem with a relationship between guys and girls well since I have lived it and been hurt so many times I get it, theres a lot I want to say and cant say on theyeshivaworld so when i set up a new email address for smartgal feel free to email me there. but anyway no relationship is platonic, guys and girls are very different in what they want from a relationship. the girl wants the emotional part, she wants someone to care for her, portect her and love her and maybe even hold her. the guy mainly wants the physical. because we are taught ot spoken about the opposite gender we dont realize that their needs are so different than our own, that we assume that we want the same thing, I have been with good frum guys who are like you know you want it even though I am crying they dont get it. No friendship stays a friendship, I am not a teacher, a rebbe or even any adult who is preaching this, its just so many people told me this and I was stupid enough to think I could just have friendships, because thats what I wanted but it never stayed that and it wont, the longest friendship i had with a guy before something happened was 5 months and I was fooled saying oh this is working but it wont, we have contrasting interests and it does not work.

bein hasdorim- wow you hit the mark, thats exactly what happens and what happened with me, i was completely manipulated. you have good ideas about fun activities that would keep us busy, I would drop guys to play sports and stuff in a good environment. Thanks for your ideas and for seeing things the way they truly are.

bored@work- thats why i originaly said co-ed because I didnt get why they would leave what they have, but if we make it really good, really fun and stuff they would leave. and this is just an idea, we have to play with it, but i know in the frum circles now that with the shortage of boys in shiduch dating they made a thing that if you marry a girl older than you, you egt paid a certain sum of money, so this enticement egts the guy to start dating older girls and than they end up meeting the right one, so if we could entice them in some way and give them a bribe to come out, and once they come out and have a good time they wont need a bribe, they will see how a good environment like fun activities and a supportive staff can really make a world of differece in their tumultous difficult lives.

cantoresq- you amde a good point about teaching kids proper conduct around the proper gender, i think because we teach them not to look or talk to the opposite gender, that if/when they break out the guys tend to treat the girls as bodies cause they were never taught to respect the girl as a person,a dn they completely use the girl who than feels so empty and hurt so she continues with guys looking for someone who can make her feel better but just ends us in a vicious cycle of being hurt again. and if u asked why they started to begin with- forbidden fruits are the most desired.

inteligent, and bored@work- ok forgot about making a bigger problem, solve the problem we have right now, instead of saying that whatever we do id going to make it worse you wont try to make it better, what is wrong with you?

Sjinnyc- exactly, if we had a co-ed kosher hangout, kids would come out from basement and cars and parks and go into a good supervised environment.