Sorry I have disappeared for a bit, but everyone in my family (me, my husband and son) are all sick! Thank you for all your refuah shelaima wishes (its nothing life threatening!)
I think there is something people are missing: Arranged marriages and limited dating is fine for many people in yeshivish/chasidish circles. Marriage works when two compatible people want to make their marriage work (for the most part). Love is a bonus. I fell in love with my husband before we got married, but I dont think its neccesary to love each other before marriage (although for me personally it was – I couldnt marry someone to learn to love them, though it works for many people). Marriage is hard work and many people are not willing to put in the time and effort. I think this is something we need to teach the younger generation – its not all about what the outside world sees, its about communication, understanding and often doing things you dont want to or arent in the mood for because it makes your spouse happy. But I digress…
Its the kids who want to be in coed situations and will find ways even if their parents dont let – thats where the issues lay. If your kid tells you they want to hang out with members of the opposite gender, instead of saying NO, discuss it with them and then provide them a kosher way to hang out. You can talk to them about rules and regulations and make them see that they can “experiment” with coed situations without doing drugs and making out. Now, you have to know your child – this wont work with many kids, and I suspect the parents who are capable of having these types of honest conversations with their kids are much less likely to have kids go off the derech.
Intellegent: About the Sternberg comment – I was a camper there for 8 years. What didnt work at Sternberg? I was a camper there from 1989-1997 (never worked as staff) so maybe its in recent years. There were people from various backgrounds and there werent any bad influences that I saw. The only thing that bothered me was when I was 7, I got yelled at for wearing coullottes but my bunkmate wore a skirt that was about 2 inches long and never a word was uttered. I had no idea what was wrong with what I was wearing – my mother bought me my clothing!!! I was 7!!!! OK, end of rant!