Squeak, I was just pointing out that regarding advice, we were both sort of saying the same thing.
So, we have to deal realisticaly. As the shadchanim and parents know they are pushing for direct and immediate answers, they should stop because the girls are to weak and they are being harmed by those responsible for their welfare.
I agree with you about having the pressure stopped, but I also think we need to teach young women how to stand up for themselves. This is one of the most important decisions they are going to make in life, and if they cannot stand up for themselves at this junction, how are they going to do it for other important things?
As for your point about rabbonim – I don’t know where you get this idea that rabbonim are infallible. That is NOT a Jewish concept. Even Moshe Rabbenu made mistakes. We are all human, and while our rabbonim may be closer to truth than we are, they still can make mistakes.
As for rabbonim being against Shabtai Tzvi – many rabbonim were against Chassidus originally! Does that mean Chassidus is anti-halacha? NO. You cannot just use that statement to say well no one is against my Rabbi…
You are 100% correct that I don’t know who your rabbonim are – I never said I did. And to be honest, my rabbonim have NEVER put me in a situation where I thought they were doing anything that was against halacha or answering a question that they were not qualified for. BUT! That doesn’t mean its not my responsibility to make sure that when they give ADVICE to me, that I think about it and decide if its actually best for me. I am the one who has to live with it.
I think you need to seperate your responsibilities (ie making sure that you Rav is not slowly veering off the derech or giving you bad advice or overstepping his bounds in an area he has no knowledge…) from your Rav’s responsibility of making sure he is giving you good, solid advice that is within the bounds of halacha and that he has knowledge for. Now, usually both sides do what they should, but I think its naive to say “Just because my Rav gave me some advice means I should take it.”
My mother was close to her Rav from growing up. She and I had a problem at some point and she consulted him. He gave her advice that would have been absolutely disasterous for us. She did NOT take his advice and everything worked out. Had she taken his advice, it very possibly could have splintered our relationship. So who was right? In this case, not the Rav. This is a rare occurance, and the Rav thought he was acting according to the best interest of all parties involved, but was still WRONG.
Please understand that I am not talking about getting a halachic psak, which is binding (unless its proven to be against halacha).