The Gemorah in Pesachim 49 list the order of priority when looking for a wife. A man should seek the daughter of… (in order of preference):
Talmid Chochom
Person of Great Deeds
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Teacher of Children
TO FIND A WIFE, CHECK OUT HER BROTHERS!
In Parshas Vaera we find a source for a halacha involving family influence. The Torah writes: “???? ???? ?? ?????? ?? ?????? ???? ????? ?? ????” “and Aharon took Elisheva the daughter of Aminadav, the sister of Nachson to him as a wife” (Shmos 6:23). The Gemara asks: “by implication from the fact that the verse says Elisheva was the daughter of Aminadav, do I not know that she was the sister of Nachshon? For what purpose, then, does Scripture state that she was the sister of Nachshon? From here we are to derive that one who seeks to marry a woman ought first to examine the character of her brothers” (Bava Basra 110a). Rashi explains that the children will bear a resemblance to the mother’s brothers. If a person marries a woman with a brother of the caliber of Nachshon ben Aminadav there is greater chance that his children will become tzaddikim.
This does not preclude children with less than righteous uncles from becoming tzaddikim. The classic example of this is Yitzchak who married Rivka. Her brother, Lavan, was far from a tzaddik, yet their son turned out to be Yaakov Avinu. Nevertheless, the Gemara is telling us that when a person searches for a wife, he should consider who her brothers are and her family background.
MARRY THE WIFE OF A TALMID CHACHAM!
The Brisker Rav zt”l said first and foremost one should check the Yiras Shamayim of the woman herself ? does she have a love of Torah, does she have good middos, etc. Although Chazal speak of the great advantage of marrying the daughter of a talmid chacham, it is not possible for everyone to find such a woman, there simply are not enough talmidei chachamim to go around. We must, however, be insistent on marrying the wife of a talmid chacham!
FAMILY LEGACIES
All things considered, it is important to marry into a good family, as we find in the Gemara: “let one always cleave to righteous people (marry into a righteous family) for, on the one hand we have Moshe Rabeinu who married the daughter of Yisro and we find that Yehonasan, an idolatrous priest, descended from him. And on the other hand we have Aharon who married the daughter of Aminadav and we find that Pinchas descended from him” (Bava Basra 109b). The Gemara then asks, but did Pinchas not also descend from Yisro, for it is written ‘and Elazar the son of Aharon, took for himself a wife from the daughters of Putiel’ (Shmos 6:25)”. The Gemara explains that the name Putiel can refer either to Yisro or to Yoseph and that in fact one of Pinchas’ grandparents from his mother’s side descended from Yisro and the other from Yoseph. Moshe’s wife, on the other hand, descended solely from a family that had worshipped avoda zara.
We know that Yitro himself was a tzaddik who became a ger tzedek and greatly assisted Moshe Rabenu, and great tzaddikim descended from him, such as Yael who killed Sisra. In the book of Melachim we read that Yehonadav ben Rechav descended from the family of Yisro. Yehonadav was greatly praised by Hashem in the book of Yirmiyahu for having children who heeded their father’s commands. Many other tzaddikim descended from Yisro, and as we mentioned he himself was a great tzaddik, however, his former years as a priest to avoda zara seemed to have a negative influence on his descendants, to the extent that even Moshe Rabeinu had a grandson who worshipped avoda zara.
Of course a good family is no guarantee, for we find that even the best families have offspring they are not very proud of. Chazal tell us “not until three generations had passed was the impurity removed from our forefathers. For we see that Avraham sired Yishmael, Yitzchak sired Esav, but Yaakov sired the twelve tribes in whom there was no aberration” (Shabbos 146a). We see that even the holy forefathers required three generations to purify themselves.
The fact that a man should try to choose a wife from a family with Torah and yiras Shamayim obligates each of us to strive to reach higher levels of yiras Shamayim. A person’s actions affect not only himself but his descendants as well. We all exist in the merit of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov and we would not be here today had they not been such great tzaddikim. It is therefore imperative that we work on ourselves so that our children have what to inherit from their parents and grandparents providing them with a greater chance to succeed.
Dovid HaMelech, patriarch of the Davidic dynasty, father of the Moshiach, was one of the biggest tzaddikim in history. The Gemara tells us that he made one mistake which cost him dearly. When he escaped from Shaul HaMelech, he fled to Nov Ir HaKohanim, home of the Mishkan, and asked to be fed. They gave him bread which angered Shaul who then destroyed the entire city and only one Kohen survived. Chazal indirectly blame Dovid for the massacre and as a result years later the wicked Queen Atalia killed the royal family with the exception of King Yehoash who was saved by his aunt. Although Hashem had another reason to punish the city of Nov, for the sins of the sons of Eli, Dovid was also partly responsible for the massacre and as a result was accountable for the killing of many of his descendants as well.