Feivel please forgive me in that I did not mean to question what a heter is. I am well aware what a heter is and of the importance to use one at times. My words were very clear and the example you raise about a wedding of family is interesting.
But…………Halacha is Halacha and a Heter is a Heter. I will say no more.
Just to finish my understanding is not lofty – that’s rather insulting. It’s just crystal absolute clear not hetering (is there such a word?!) of Availus