A guy brings his dog into the vet and says, “Could you please cut my dog’s tail off?” The vet examines the tail and says, “There is nothing wrong. Why would you want this done?” The man replies, “My Mother in law is coming to visit, and I don’t want anything in the house to make her think that she is welcome!”
Comment: Of course, it was a seeing-eye dog.
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Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
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My Mother in law and I were happy for 20 years.
Then we met each other.
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The doorbell rang this morning. When I opened the door, there was my mother-in-law on the front step.
She said, “Can I stay here for a few days?”
I said, “Sure you can.” And shut the door in her face
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Q: What’s the difference between a mother-in-law and a vulture?
A: The vulture waits till you are dead before it eats your heart out.
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Two women came before wise King Shlomo, dragging between them a young man. “This young man agreed to marry my daughter,” said one. “No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other. And so they haggled before the king, until he called for silence. “Bring me my biggest sword,” said Shlomo, ” and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half.” “Sounds good to me,” said the first lady. But the other woman said, “Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman’s daughter marry him.” The wise king did not hesitate a moment. “This man must marry the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed. “But she was willing to hew him in two!” exclaimed the king’s court. “Indeed,” said wise King Shlomo. “That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law!”
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A man is told by his doctor that he has only 6 months to live. He asks the doctor what can he do about this. The doctor advises him to move in with his Mother-in-law. “Will that make me live longer?”
“No”, replied the doctor, “But it will seem longer!”