Joseph, I can’t argue effectively enough for people to listen to me on this without quoting, but it is true that my rabbeim told this to me. As anything to do with shidduchim, anyone who doesn’t hav a rav or rebbe to speak to will flounder anyway. When approaching shidduchim, one simply needs a kesher with someone to talk to and make sure they’re doing the right thing. I can just imagine being on a date and saying, “I’m looking for someone to be submissive. Are you my bashert?” I’m not arguing on Rav Avigdor Miller. I’m just saying it takes the other side to agree to this, and good luck with that. My rabbeim also agree that Rav Avigdor Miller’s shita is the ideal. They just are aware that many of today’s girls are not as willing to abide by it as they used to be. I’m sure Rav Avigdor Miller would agree that it’s not me’akeiv the shidduch if the girl is a bit more independent-minded like we find today.
Submission works when there is the other side- a mechabed ishto yoseir migufo on the part of the husband. If one is properly mechabed ishto yoseir migufo, one sees his wife being more submissive in appreciation of her husband’s tzidkus. Otherwise, if the husband isn’t doing his role, why should she do hers?